Maintenance dude came into my room to show me how to turn on the air conditioning.
Thanks bro, that switch attached to the thermostat that says “heat,” “off,” and “air,” was super confusing. I was starting to hurt myself trying to figure it out, actually. Kudos to you, good sir, for venturing into my liar of empty soda cans and old take-out boxes to show an uninformed soul how to stay cool in this awful 80 degree weather. Never mind opening a window - we like using electricity to stay happy. If only all men were as heroic as you, kind gent, we could rekindle the days of chivalry and America would once again flourish with the glory she held in her youth. Yes, you are an inspiration to us all. And though I know you walk through the valley of darkness and do not fear death, I’m sorry I haven’t showered today and probably looked a little scary.
So often do I stay up past my bedtime and dream of running away.
Except then I realize that I’m an adult and I wouldn’t be running away, just…moving. How fucking crazy is that? I could just get in my car and drive anywhere in the country and just live. I mean, I don’t want to give up what I have right now, but just knowing that is possibility is exhilarating and insane and wonderful. Yeah, I’m done here.
Kony isn’t…America is. The fact that, virtually over night, KONY 2012 has become such a large movement is a testament to how much support it shouldn’t have right now. Out of everyone advocating the Invisible Children, (or KONY 2012, or whatever the fuck they are calling themselves) how many do you think really understand what is going on? I mean sure, they all watched the video, maybe did some reading; but, does that mean they know? The idea that all these people are ready to drop money to support and empower a group they didn’t know existed until one day ago is scary as shit.
And even more: the plan is to target cultural leaders who have heavy influence over members of society who are unable to think for themselves. This way, the word is spread as fast as possible and their numbers grow exponentially. I mean, hey, I care about what the people I love care about; and who do I love more than Ellen Degeneres, right? …Right?
Next they want to use the support they have gained to speak out to America’s policy makers. Condaleezza Rice doesn’t stand a change against the waves of T-Swift fan girlies.
This is the most warped form of control I have ever seen. The video that has been floating around opens up with this dude talking about the world and how wonderful it is that we can all connect with each other. He makes you feel good, and says that everyone just wants to belong. Just like his little boy! Look at this child who is adorable do adorable little baby things, AWWWWWW. Then he crushes your soul by showing you the children in Africa who are dying and being forced to kill and shit. BUT DON’T FEEL TOO SAD YET! All you have to do is support him and everything will get better. Just a few dollars a month and he’ll take care of everything! YAY!
All that was missing from this video is Sarah Mclachlan.
And you know…it’s one thing to just convince people to give their money to him. BUT THIS BITCH IS TELLING PEOPLE TO GET INVOLVED POLITICALLY. This is what terrifies me the most, because if I have learned one thing about America over the course of my life, it is that most of our citizens don’t know shit about politics, and even less so about foreign policy.
I don’t even know why I’m bitching. Probably because it is what I do best. I’m sure I come off uneducated as fuck, and to be honest, I am. But that is why I’m not dropping my dollars to support Invisible Children and contacting my representatives. BECAUSE TWENTY MINUTES OF BIASED VIDEO ISN’T ENOUGH TO INFORM ME ON SUCH AN IMPORTANT TOPIC.
But sitting to pee is the best! Why stand up to do something that I could do sitting down? Just because men CAN pee standing up doesn’t make me any less lazy…I think I’ll just take a seat. Plus when you sit to pee, you don’t have to touch anything. This means there is not always a need to wash hands, which is good because that food is getting cold in there/that movie isn’t watching itself. And on top of all of this, you will never have to worry about aiming again; say hello to the best drunk pissing you have ever had.
There is literally no downfall to sitting while peeing. You will still be able to stand and pee when the situation calls for it, namely, public restrooms and the outside, but you don’t have to at home, and you don’t have to at your buddy’s place. Remember all those times you were peeing and realized you had to poop, so you had to stop it and turn around to take a seat and everything got all fucked up? Say goodbye to these days. It is time we usher in a new era, all we have to do is just sit down and relax.
I am now living in a dorm on the University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana campus. I still work in retail (please, someone just kill me), and I have a position as a research assistant in the Industrial-Organization department in our College of Psychology. I never have free time anymore, and probably need to work on my time management (such as not being on social networking websites when I should be doin werk). I am finally in classes that I enjoy, and doing things that feel worth my time. Going from a community college, which proved easier than my high school academics, to a notable university has been a change I have completely welcomed. Living on my own, I now know how to do my laundry and microwave things…also bills and shit. Oh yeah, I’m still out of shape as fuck, but walking to class doesn’t make my calves hurt anymore. PROGRESS!
I mean, I realize that probably only a handful of you care about what is going on in my life, but I am very happy, and I post on Tumblr what makes me happy.
Can we all agree on never again posting picture/.gifs/videos of beautiful men/men with men/men with animals? I don’t know how many more pictures I can handle of some beautiful man sticking his beautiful tongue down another man’s beautiful throat. I mean, yeah…my poor libido; but, I AM SIMPLY BEING TAUNTED HERE.
The only posts I want to see consist of food, video games, uncontainable amounts of anticipation for the Hunger Games movie, Buffy screencaps and average looking men napping. These things are what make my life, my life.
What's a boy soaring solo supposed to do on a Friday night?
Looks like it’s time to spread our wings and learn to fly, right, little boy? Nothing more scandalous than staying in and eating two bowls of soup because the can isn’t small enough to pour into just one. You know you love me.
I miss spending all my time with you. Waking with you in my arms was always a great way to start my day. Watching your eyelids get heavy as we’d lie in bed every night always put butterflies in my stomach. You always knew just what to say to make me happy. Plus, you never failed to keep me informed about weird news that doesn’t really have an affect on my life. Never stop being you, tumblr. Because I’ll always love you the way you are.
Nb4r, I still want to have dinner/friendshipz/sex with most of you. Mostly dinner. Or a friendship based on eating food.