February 2012
3 posts
1 tag
WatchThis is what I do with my free time…..sadly.
Wait, tumblr...just please.
Can we all agree on never again posting picture/.gifs/videos of beautiful men/men with men/men with animals? I don’t know how many more pictures I can handle of some beautiful man sticking his beautiful tongue down another man’s beautiful throat. I mean, yeah…my poor libido; but, I AM SIMPLY BEING TAUNTED HERE.
The only posts I want to see consist of food, video games,...
I'd like to drink so much tonight that I just shit...
January 2012
15 posts
Role playing in German.
Sadly, I am strictly speaking with classmates and in the classroom; not with the TA and in my bed.
1 tag
What's a boy soaring solo supposed to do on a...
Looks like it’s time to spread our wings and learn to fly, right, little boy? Nothing more scandalous than staying in and eating two bowls of soup because the can isn’t small enough to pour into just one. You know you love me.
XOXO, Gossip Girl
mykicks asked: Better be all three with me
2 tags
I miss what we had, tumblr.
I miss spending all my time with you. Waking with you in my arms was always a great way to start my day. Watching your eyelids get heavy as we’d lie in bed every night always put butterflies in my stomach. You always knew just what to say to make me happy. Plus, you never failed to keep me informed about weird news that doesn’t really have an affect on my life. Never stop being you,...
I am totally digging this living 3 hours away from...
I’m just a little worried about my penis.
He doesn’t seem to be making friends very well.
1 tag
I now live in a dorm.
I now store things under my bed. I now never wear pants.
3 tags
Gossip Girl et wine.
Why the hell does Nate no longer have swoopy hair? I like my Nate with swoopy hair. Blair has a little bun in the oven? YOU ARE NOT SERENA’S COUSIN. WHO IS THIS OLD GUY? Also (spoiler alert): I am still in ~luv~ with Tripp Vanderbilt and he shall be mine.
Anonymous asked: please marry me. We will have beautiful gay sex erry night.
1 tag
I get out of the shower and feel very weird. I have a distinct craving for chicken. I place an order for take-out at the Mexican restaurant next door; instead of ordering chicken, I have a quesadilla with beef in it.
As I approach my dresser to get underwear, I accidentally kick my table. My toe now hurts. The pain makes me feel alive…and a little vomity.
My pea coat attacks me when I get...
Getting a jump-start on my foreign language.
Wanted: Tutor. Must be German. Must be male. Must be cute.
1 tag
December 2011
21 posts
I work New Year's day and could not be happier.
I now have an excuse to blow off any large party gatherings and I get paid time and a half.
1 tag
I am on a mission to find and download songs in order to assemble a mix consisting of Final Fantasy songs, various scores from the Lord of the Rings trilogies, and classical music.
…just in case you are wondering what I am doing with my free time over winter break.
2 tags
John, on meals.
Meals on wheel. John in heels. John, in heels, on meals on wheels.
Not really; this post is only about meals and how I always fuck up the eating process of them, not any of that other stuff.
Of course, the first thing I dig into is not what I am most excited to eat. Oh no, I always save the best for last. It is the only logical move to me. So: blah blah blah, I eat food. Me like food. Me man...
2 tags
My brother's girlfriend ate my leftovers.
She didn’t do it because she was hungry. No, she did it because she is crazy and trying to steal our home. She ate them because she knew in a few hours I would be drunk and hungry and wanting reheated meals. I mean, she even left one wing as if to say “I run this bitch.”
Surely this is the point where I go nuts and stab her only to find out that she isn’t even real and...
Wait. Did hardees get new french fries too?
WHY IS EVERY FAST FOOD CHAIN CHANGING THEIR FRENCH FRIES I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD I JUST WANT POTATOES AND GREASE.
I want food, not change.
1 tag
Small talk with my boss.
“John, I love reading all of your funny facebook status. And all of the ones about stupid people.”
I looked her in the eye and said, “Your words mean so much to me.”
2 tags
Why must I only fall for men who are inappropriate for me either geographically or by their age? Or I don’t even know their names…whatever.
2 tags
It's fine y'all, Buffy will study for finals with...
chroniclingmontax asked: I love how Random you are =) makes me smile...
1 tag
Baking cookies with momma.
-“I’VE RUINED CHRISTMAS!”
“The timer just went off.” -“Uhh, your timer went off…thirty years ago.” “….kiss my ass.”
-“Oooooooo, better zan mahmah!” à la Cooking Momma. “Why are you talking so weird?”
“Are the bottoms too hard?” -“My bottom is too hard. Sorry, too many innuendos?”
...
2 tags
Another tragic love story.
Brownie glanced around at the patrons of the party, and happened to make eye contact with Fudge. It was as if the heavens parted and a holy light flooded down from above. Fudge was normally a shy boy, but he had been having a rough day and felt the only way to turn it around to to be a bit daring. He stood up, made his way across the room, and said to pretty little Brownie, “Either your...
2 tags
1 tag
While I was at work today, part of my right...
If we are talking a standard graph here, I would plot the pain/numb sensation at the point where x=10 and y= -3. Just imagine a graph overlaying my ass and you’ll get it.
I couldn’t figure out why this was happening to me. My first thought said that this was happening because there is a bug in my pants. This instantly brought a wave of panic over me, because having a bug in my pants...
"Your final exam will not be comprehensive."
Never have any words ever uttered made me feel so wonderful.
1 tag
Have you ever tried smoked gouda cheese?
Me - What? I didn't even know you could smoke cheese.
Girl - No...what?
Me - Isn't that difficult?
Girl - EATEN smoked gouda; not smoked it.
November 2011
17 posts
3 tags
2 tags
Cute sales associate at GameStop gave me his...
Forbidden love…or match made in heaven?
1 tag
I’ve reached that point in life where I’m fully willing to start wearing pants around the house if it meant I could spend time with ~someone special.~
2 tags
I went out to eat with coworkers tonight.
At first I was all, “Oh this is so cool. I am making friends right now.” Then I fucked everything up by saying something along the lines of “Yeah, I’m afraid of being dragged to hell by Satan.” Who isn’t afraid of Satan?!
2 tags
If you wanna be my lover
you gotta get with my cats. Making meows and catnip; felines never fret.
I just took my socks off and am now blogging about...
A trip to my brain.
Of course, when I am alone in my room, I always imagine a situation where someone has broken into my home and is rummaging through the house. In this scenario in my head, the burglar opens my door to ransack my room, right as I am changing clothes. There I am, half naked, with a stranger in my doorway and wanting to steal my things. This is where it gets a little fuzzy. Does the burglar...
